


Who You Really Are

by Penndragon27



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Canon Era, Friendship, Just Arthur realizing how awesome Merlin is, Magic Revealed, and how much he owes him, this is so self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: Set after 5x09 With All My HeartWhen Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic, he struggles to trust this now stranger. After getting some advice from Gaius, he sets out to find out more about his mysterious manservant and gets more than he bargained for. Shown visions of all that Merlin had to go through, unbeknownst to Arthur, the Once and Future King gains a new understanding of those around him.Disclaimer- I do not own Merlin and I barely own this fic as all the flashbacks are from actual episodes.





	Who You Really Are

_“I have magic.”_

The words echoed in Arthur’s head as he stared at the wall in front of him. The words of his manservant. His gangly, awkward, clumsy, idiotic, _lying_ manservant.

How could he have been so blind? How had he gone years with magic at the heart of Camelot and not noticed? He was such a fool.

_“I use it for you. Only for you. I would never hurt you.”_

He was wrong. He had hurt Arthur, more than he ever thought possible. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Merlin’s eyes flashing gold as he killed a dozen bandits. Arthur had dismissed him as soon as they got back to Camelot and part of him hoped that Merlin would run away so he wouldn’t have to deal with him. Another part never wanted him to leave.

Arthur was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door.

“Enter,” he called, voice steadier than he thought it would be.

The door opened and Gaius entered. “Sire.”

“What is it, Gaius?”

The physician looked down nervously. “You found out about Merlin.”

“I’m guessing you already knew.”

The silence was answer enough and Arthur sighed. “And I suppose you’re here to tell me to just forgive him.”

Gaius approached him cautiously. “I know he lied, but all he’s ever done is protect you. You know Merlin, you know he’d never betray you.”

“I don’t know anything!” Arthur stood up angrily. Gaius recoiled and the king took a deep breath.

“The man I knew… the man I thought I knew just used magic to kill a group of bandits without lifting a finger. The man I thought to be the only person I could trust wholeheartedly turns out to be playing me for a fool, lying to me for years.”

Gaius was silent and Arthur ran a hand across his face. “I don’t know who he is. I don’t know anything about him.”

“You could learn.”

Arthur looked over sharply. “What?”

“If you just talked with him, he could explain everything.”

“I can’t trust a word that that… _sorcerer_ says!”

Gaius sighed. “Well, you could ask someone else.”

Arthur frowned. “What? Who? Why would they know?”

“Well, there are the Druids. They’ve had prophecies written about him for centuries.”

“Prophecies? About Merlin?”

Gaius nodded. “Honestly, you could talk to any magical being and they could tell you about him.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “How about a reliable source?”

The physician frowned, regarding him with what seemed like disappointment. “Well, there is a place that exists outside of time. You would be able to find answers there.”

Arthur whirled around. “Where?”

***

The Valley of Fallen Kings was starting to get rather inconvenient.

Considering it was the best route to most places in the kingdom, it was very dangerous and if Arthur had to hide from one more group of bandits he would scream. Well, probably not scream, as he was hiding, but definitely be very irritated.

Eventually, he reached the cave that Gaius had described. He slowly approached the entrance, watching carefully for any sign of movement. The cave was dark and Arthur quickly looked for anything he could use as a torch when he heard a voice.

“Arthur.”

He walked forward carefully and, suddenly, the cave was filled with light and he was surrounded by crystals.

“Arthur.”

He turned towards the voice and froze at the figure before him. It was a woman, blond and beautiful. And strangely familiar…

“You’re here,” she said softly.

Arthur’s eyes widened in recognition. He had seen her once before, in a vision.

“Mother.”

He ran towards her and threw his arms around her, fighting against tears that threatened to fall.

“How is this possible,” he choked.

They broke apart and his mother smiled at him through her own tears. “This place exists outside of time. In that way, I can exist here.”

Arthur furiously wiped at his eyes. “I miss you so much.”

“And I you, but you have made me so proud. You have grown into the king I always knew you would be.”

Arthur scoffed as his mother raised a hand to his face. “I don’t know about that. It seems everyone I put my trust in betrays me.”

His mother quickly shook her head. “That is not on you. Do not blame yourself for the folly of others. They simply don’t see the great man you’ve become.”

“Is…” Arthur hesitated. “Is Merlin one of those people?”

Ygraine smiled knowingly. “Simply ask what you wish to see.”

“I want to know… who he is. Where his true loyalties are.”

“So be it.”

Suddenly, the cave blurred and Arthur felt like he was spinning. Then, his surroundings took shape in the form of the physician’s chambers. He frowned in confusion until Merlin appeared in the room. He was much younger, though, similar to when they first met. He was looking up and Arthur followed his gaze to where Gaius stood on the rickety balcony. Suddenly, the railing broke and Gaius was falling and then…

He wasn’t.

With barely a look, time slowed down. Without a word, a bed moved to catch the physician. Without lifting a finger, Merlin saved Gaius’ life.

Then, the room changed and the two were standing in front of each other, Gaius frantic.

“I just want to know where you learned how to do it.”

“Nowhere,” Merlin exclaimed.

“So how is it you know magic?”

“I don’t!” Arthur scoffed at the lie.

The vision blurred and Arthur registered Merlin saying “I was born like this.”

But that couldn’t be possible.

Then he was in Merlin’s room, the warlock sitting on the bed, glaring at the ground. Gaius was set next to him and Merlin took off his shirt, revealing a large bruise forming on his shoulder.

“You don’t know why I was born like this, do you?” Merlin sounded resigned.

Gaius carefully applied a poultice. “No.”

“I’m not a monster, am I?” Merlin asked, only half joking. Arthur instinctively frowned. No matter how betrayed he felt, he had never thought of Merlin as a monster. Was that really what the warlock thought of himself?

 Gaius immediately turned stern. “Don’t you ever think that!”

“Then why am I like this? Please, I need to know why.”

So did Arthur.

His answer was given in the next vision.

Merlin was in a cave, standing before the Great Dragon. To Arthur’s shock, it began speaking in a deep, gravelly voice.

“Without you, Arthur will never succeed. Without you, there will be no Albion.” That seemed a bit extreme.

Merlin immediately shook his head. “No. You’ve got this wrong.”

The dragon scoffed. “There is no right or wrong. Only what is and what isn’t.”

“I’m serious,” Merlin urged. “If anyone wants to kill him they can go right ahead, in fact I’d probably give them a hand.” Arthur cringed. Was that Merlin’s first impression of him? That he wanted to kill him?

The dragon laughed knowingly. “None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin, and none of us can escape it.” Arthur suddenly remembered Merlin’s wise words on destinies. He had a feeling it wasn’t from a book.

Merlin was still adamant. “No, no. There must be another Arthur, because this one’s an idiot.”

“Perhaps it is your destiny to change that.”

Arthur frowned in thought. Merlin had changed that, as much as Arthur would like to deny it. Looking back, he would reluctantly agree that he had been a bit of a prat. But then he’d met Merlin and it changed the way he viewed things. The way he viewed others.

The room blurred again before taking shape, shockingly, as the throne room in the Perilous Lands.

Arthur frowned as Merlin entered the room. He had been just on the other side of the wall, how much could he have missed?

His question was answered when a weak voice whispered “So Emrys, you are here at last.”

Jumping, Arthur turned to see that the throne was not empty. Apparently all the rumour about the Fisher King surviving were true, he had just completely missed it. But why had he called Merlin Emrys?

Merlin simply approached the throne in wonder, unaffected by the strange name. “So you are still alive,” he whispered.

“For now,” the king smiled.

There was a faint crumbling sound and Merlin jerked in alarm. “That’ll be-”

“Your friends, I know,” the king finished. “Courage and strength. Without their help you would not be here.”

Arthur suddenly remembered the man who had guarded the bridge, saying he would need Strength and Magic to succeed. He wasn’t wrong.

“What is it you want?” Merlin asked.

“I want an end to my suffering.”

“You want to die.”

The king shifted in his chair. “I have been waiting all these years for the arrival of a new time. The time of the Once and Future King.”

Arthur jolted in recognition. Merlin had called him that. Was this where he had learned it?

The young warlock nodded. “I have heard these words before.”

The king gave a knowing smile. “And you will hear them again. For that time is dawning and my time can finally come to an end. This is why you were brought here.”

Merlin frowned in confusion and the Fisher King said laughingly. “Oh, this is not Arthur’s quest, it is yours.”

Arthur frowned. Well, that was a real blow to the ego. Merlin seemed to be much more important than he’d thought. Definitely more than a common sorcerer.

“Arthur thinks the prize is the trident,” the king dropped it to the ground with a loud clatter. “But the real prize is something far greater.”

A flask suddenly appeared in his hand and he held it out towards Merlin. “Water from the lake of Avalon. I have kept it safe these years, waiting for the right person to claim it and that is you. You are the one chosen.”

Merlin shook his head in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“Albion’s time of need is near and in that dark hour you must be strong, for you alone can save her. Your powers are great, but you will need help and that is what I’m giving you.”

With a hesitant nod, Merlin finally reached for the flask.

“When all seems lost,” the king looked at him gravely, “this will show you the way.”

Merlin took the flask and thanked the king, bowing respectfully. The king nodded.

“I have given you a gift, now you must give me one in return.”

Merlin frowned. “But I have nothing to give.”

Smiling, the Fisher King slowly rose from his throne. “I think you do.”

Merlin paused in thought before reaching into his jacket to pull out a silver bracelet. Arthur immediately recognized it as the gift Morgana had given him before the quest. He’d thought he had lost it, but apparently Merlin had stolen it?

“If I give you this,” Merlin began, “you will die.”

Arthur’s eyes widened. Had Morgana been plotting against him even then? He vaguely remembered feeling more tired and weaker than usual at the start of the quest. He had blamed the poisonous land he was in, but had it been the bracelet the entire time?

The Fisher King held out a hand and Merlin knelt before him. Arthur couldn’t help but feel insulted as Merlin had never knelt before him.

Merlin placed the bracelet on the king, who was then given the freedom he had long sought out. Arthur frowned at the realization that Merlin had saved his life more than once on that quest.

The vision changed again, and this time he was in the forest by a river. There was movement and then Lancelot appeared carrying a limp Merlin. The warlock was frozen in a way that could’ve only been brought on by the Dorocha. Was Arthur going to learn how he was the only one to survive their touch?

After laying his friend down gently, Lancelot reached towards the river. He paused, however, when Merlin’s hand started glowing and a faint voice began whispering his name.

Suddenly, a bunch of bubbles began floating with what seemed to be faces in them. The one in front began speaking. Arthur peered closer at them, jaw dropped in wonder.

“We bear you no harm. We wish only to help.”

Lancelot regarded the creature with distrust. “What are you?”

“We are Vilia. Spirits of the brooks and streams. The tear in the veil has upset the balance of the world. Good spirits as well as bad roam freely, but this perilous state cannot continue for long.”

“Prince Arthur is riding to the Isle of the Blessed, he intends to heal the Veil.”

“He will need help. From both of you.”

Lancelot shook his head. “My friend is sick, I need to get him to Camelot.”

The Vilia smiled. “Merlin is stronger than you give him credit for. The young warlock has great power and a future that has been written since the dawn of time. Do not worry. Even now my sisters begin to heal him.”

Sure enough, Merlin was glowing faintly, his breathing becoming easier. Arthur thought back to what Gaius had said, about prophecies. If these visions were the truth, Merlin was much more than a common servant.

The forest blurred and a number of scenes flashed before him. Merlin sending the blue light to save him when he was in the cave, Merlin causing numerous accidents for people trying to kill Arthur, Merlin being the one to defeat Cornelius Sigan, Merlin being the one to defeat the Griffin (with the help of Lancelot).

Merlin was even the one to defeat both immortal armies. Unsurprisingly, Morgana had been the one to summon the skeletons and had simply taken the credit for what Merlin did. Merlin losing credit seemed to be a common theme.

Apparently the magical bracelet and the skeleton army were not the only things Morgana did while betraying Camelot. Arthur was shocked when a vision revealed her placing the magical poultices under his pillow, leading to Guinevere’s arrest. Then, he watched as Merlin became the old sorcerer, Dragoon or whoever, and took the blame.

Arthur watched in horror as Merlin was brought so close to execution and was saved at the last possible moment. What would he have done if Gaius were too late? What if Arthur had to unknowingly watch Merlin burn?

He then frowned. Did that mean Merlin had killed Uther?

The cave acknowledged his thought with a vision of Morgana giving Agravaine a necklace which would apparently reverse the effects of magic. A necklace Agravaine later placed around Uther’s neck.

Arthur didn’t know how to react. Morgana was responsible for his father’s death. Merlin had tried to save him, despite how terrible Uther was to his kind. All for Arthur, apparently.

And that was not the only time. He had also saved Uther from a spell Morgana placed on him, the one that made him go mad. Merlin had done all of this, despite how much easier his life would have been if Uther were killed.

Apparently, saving the Mordred hadn’t been as easy, either. Arthur listened in horror as the Druid boy’s destiny told by the dragon, revealing that he would be the one to kill Arthur. That that little boy, now Arthur’s trusted knight, would cause his kingdom to fall. And Merlin, unable to condemn the boy, still helped them.

The visions also showed him how great Merlin’s magic was. He watched as the warlock snuck into the castle while they were all in hiding, during Morgana’s second siege. As the vision went on, Arthur learned that Merlin was responsible for Morgana losing her magic during that fight. He supposed it was a bit of a coincidence that it happened right after Arthur had complained about the very same thing to his manservant the night before.

Then, the vision showed Merlin separating from them when they were trying to cure Gwen. Then Merlin turned into a woman. The old woman who had saved his queen. Arthur felt guilt creep up in him, because right after that he had nearly left Merlin behind.

His surroundings blurred and more scenes played out for him. Merlin giving his life for Arthur’s when he was dying from the Questing beast. Then Merlin killed Nimue in a terrifying display of magic. Merlin had also been the one to deal Morgause a mortal blow during Morgana’s first siege.

The vision dissolved and reformed to show Morgana’s second siege of Camelot. Arthur saw himself running through the tunnels with Merlin, Gwen, Tristan, and Isolde. Then Merlin urged them forward, turning back to face Agravaine.

The vision followed the warlock and Arthur watched eagerly, always wondering how he’d managed to escape. Of course, now that he knew magic was involved it made a bit more sense.

Eventually, Merlin was cornered by Agravaine and a group of knights. Arthur watched as his uncle called out to him.

“Where is Arthur?”

Merlin faced him, expression stony. “Be careful.”

Agravaine furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? Where’s Arthur?” No answer. “Tell me, now!” He smiled. “Or I’ll have to kill you.”

Merlin shook his head, resigned. “I don’t think so.”

Agravaine made to move forward, but then Merlin’s eyes flashed and he and his knights were flying backwards. Merlin hadn’t even used a spell for that.

He made to leave, but then Agravaine coughed, still alive. He pushed himself up, smiling. “You have magic!”

Merlin’s face remained cold and distinctly un-Merlin-like. “I was born with it.”

Agravaine’s eyes widened in realization. “So it’s you. You are Emrys!’

Arthur furrowed his brow in confusion. That name again.

“That is what the Druids call me,” was Merlin’s response. Arthur wondered if it was part of the supposed prophecies.

“And you’ve been at court all this time? At Arthur’s side,” Agravaine laughed, seeming to think he had found an ally. “How you’ve managed to deceive him. I am impressed. Perhaps we’re more alike than you think.”

Agravaine tried to reach for him, but Merlin raised a hand threateningly, eyes still cold and unfeeling.

Suddenly, Agravaine was aiming a knife at him. And then he was flying backwards, neck cracking on a rock. Merlin had killed him. Arthur shivered as the scene changed again.

He watched as Merlin, chained up, was thrown before Morgause. Arthur frowned. When was this?

“You intrigue me, Merlin. Why does a lowly servant continue to risk everything for Arthur? For Camelot?” Morgause looked down at him.

Merlin was silent.

“You know the answer, but you are not telling me. Why?”

Merlin still didn’t answer. Morgause sighed and approached him, kneeling down.

“Come on. Time and again you’ve put your life on the line. There must be a reason.”

“I believe in a fair and just land,” Merlin bit out.

“And do you think Arthur will give you that?”

“I know it,” he said with certainty. Arthur was shocked. How could he have such faith despite all the horrible things Arthur had said about magic?

Morgause rose, rolling her eyes. “And then what? You think you’ll be recognized, Merlin? Is that it? All this so you can one day be a serving boy to a king?”

Merlin looked away and Morgause frowned. “No, there’s something more. There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

Merlin glared up at her. “I’ve told you.”

Morgause shrugged. “Well, you can take your secret to your grave.”

The witch cast a spell on the chains, tightening them, before leering down at him. “You chose to poison one of my own,” she spat. “You may regret that.” Poison?

With that, Arthur watched as Merlin was left alone in the woods, chained up and helpless. Merlin cast multiple spells n the chains, but it only made them grow tighter and the young warlock groaned in pain.

Then the serkets appeared, dozens of them surrounding him. Merlin managed to scare them back a bit with magic, but his attempts were futile when he was stung right in the back, a gasp of pain leaving him.

Despite knowing the future, Arthur was sure he was going to watch his manservant die. But then, Merlin let out a roar and called out in a strange language. Not long after, the Great Dragon appeared to save him. The dragon Arthur had supposedly killed.

Then, they were in a cave. Merlin, slightly recovered from the serket’s sting, was standing before the dragon.

“I should never have trusted Morgana.”

The dragon regarded him with pity. “You did what you felt was right and that shows great courage, but trust is a double edged sword.”

Merlin sighed sadly. “I thought… because she has magic, I thought we were the same.”

“In some ways you are.”

“No,” Merlin said firmly. “I will never be like her.”

The dragon smiled in satisfaction. “You have learned an important lesson, Merlin. Your determination to see goodness in people will be your undoing, but I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.”

Arthur watched sadly as the vision faded away, Merlin returning to Camelot despite still being weak. Then, because the caves had a cruel sense of humour, he had to watch himself yell at Merlin for going missing, throwing things at him even though Merlin told him he’d been dying. Arthur just hadn’t believed him at the time.

The vision changed again and Arthur felt his heart speed up as he relived that terrible moment where Merlin was injured and a rock fall separated them.

Except now he knew that Merlin had caused the fall. To save his life.

He then watched in horror as he was taken by Morgana and tied up in her cave. Why had Merlin never mentioned this?

Morgana stood in front of him, glaring at the manservant with utter hatred.

“I haven’t seen you since you condemned my sister to a slow and painful death, thwarted my plans to take over Camelot, and forced me to live in a hovel.”

Merlin, never one to keep his mouth shut, quirked up his lips. “Couldn’t do me a favour, could you? Let Arthur know. He still thinks of me as an underachiever, but I’m quite proud of those accomplishments. I can die happy.”

Arthur reached out a hand towards him, heart sinking when it just went through him. This wasn’t real. Or at least, not anymore.

Then Morgana smiled. “Oh, you’re not going to die. I’m not going to make it that easy.”

The vision blurred and then his sister had a strange creature with multiple heads, one of which was severed and clutched in Morgana’s hand. Merlin was still tied up.

“The Fomorroh will suck the life force out of you, everything that makes you Merlin will be gone, and in its place there will be just one thought. One thought that will grow until it's consumed you completely. One thought that will be your life's work. You will not be able to rest until it's done.” Morgana had walked towards Merlin, her face a mask of anger.

“And that one thought is simple. You must kill Arthur Pendragon.” Morgana brought the creature’s head to the back of Merlin’s neck and he opened his mouth in a silent cry of pain.

And Arthur had never had a clue that any of this had happened. The visions went on, showing Gwen and Gaius helping him, Merlin disguising himself as Dragoon again and destroying the creature.

And then Arthur had punished Merlin, thinking he had been in the tavern the whole time. But he wasn’t. He never was, apparently.

The next vision came into focus. Merlin and Will were next to each other, sitting on a log. This was during the fight for Ealdor.

“You’d be able to defeat Kanen on your own, wouldn’t you?” Will asked.

Merlin shrugged. “I’m not sure, maybe.”

“So what’s stopping you,” Will said urgently. “So what if Arthur finds out.”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Merlin stood and faced away.

“Try me.”

Merlin turned on Will. “One day Arthur will be a great king, but he needs my help, and if anyone ever found out about my powers, I’d have to leave Camelot for good.”

Will glared. “Are you telling me you’d rather keep your magic a secret for Arthur’s sake than use it to protect your friends and family?”

He didn’t. Merlin had ended up using magic. Arthur remembered their conversation before the fight and realized Merlin had been about to tell him the truth. But then Will had died, taking the blame. And then Arthur had told Merlin how much he disliked magic. He couldn’t really blame him for keeping it a secret after that.

The scene shifted to Gaius’ chambers and Merlin burst through the door, looking upset.

Gaius looked up, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“I saved Arthur’s life, someone else got the credit. Just the usual.”

Arthur felt the guilt return and then he was standing in Merlin’s room.

Gaius walked over to where Merlin was sitting and tilted his head. He was covered in filth, similar to the situation with that other servant, Cedric.

“I am not an idiot,” Merlin said as Gaius cleaned off his face.

“What happened?”

“I just want Arthur to trust me and to see me for who I really am.”

“One day he will.”

“When,” Merlin asked. “Everything I do is for him and he just thinks I’m an idiot.”

Arthur frowned. He’d been so worried about Merlin betraying him, he hadn’t thought about him betraying Merlin.

The scene changed again.

Merlin was in the underground tunnels, sitting in front of the Druid girl that Arthur had fought so long ago. At least now he understood how she had stayed hidden. And why his food kept disappearing.

“I’m sorry,” The girl said, picking at Arthur’s missing breakfast.

“I understand,” Merlin smiled at her.

“You could never understand.”

“I know what it’s like to keep secrets.” Arthur nearly snorted at the understatement.

The girl gave a hesitant smile back. “Does anyone know you have magic?”

“Only you,” Merlin paused, “and one other person. He knows, but I’m not really sure he understands.”

“I wish I was like everyone else, but…”

“You always know deep down you’re not,” Merlin finished. Arthur remembered when Merlin asked if he was a monster. When he said he’d left Ealdor because he didn’t fit in anymore. If that was how he felt at home, what was Camelot like for him?

Arthur watched as Merlin and the girl were in the cave again. This time the girl was wiping away tears.

“I scare most people away.”

Merlin gave a wide grin. “I’m not most people.”

He then listened as the two sorcerers talked about home, Ealdor for Merlin, mountains and a lake for the Druid girl. It was clear they were in love. And Arthur had completely missed it.

“You’re not on your own anymore,” Merlin was saying. “I’m going to look after you. I promise.”

Then the vision dissolved again.

Merlin was collecting firewood with the Dragonlord, Balinor. Arthur frowned in confusion. How many secrets was Merlin keeping?

“I grew up there,” he said.

Balinor paused. “Ealdor?”

“Yes. I know the woman.”

“Hunith? Is she still alive?”

“Yes. She’s my mother.”

The Dragonlord’s expression fell. “Then she married. That’s good.”

Balinor turned, but Merlin rushed on. “She never married. I’m your son.”

Arthur didn’t know how to react to that. That was Merlin’s father and didn’t see fit to tell Arthur about it. Although, thinking back on how Uther treated the Dragonlords, he could understand. But that was Uther. Arthur was completely different. He could’ve told him after he became king, when there was no threat.

“I don’t know what it is to have a son,” Balinor regarded his son sadly.

Merlin shrugged. “Or I a father.”

Then the two of them were sitting in front of the fire, Arthur asleep barely three feet away. Balinor was carving something out of wood.

“When we’ve finished in Camelot, I will take you to Ealdor.”

The old Dragonlord smiled. “She won’t recognize me.” He paused in his carving. “I see her in you.”

Merlin donned a hopeful expression. “Yeah?”

Balinor nodded. “You have her kindness.”

Merlin, humble as ever, changed the subject. “How did you become a Dragonlord?”

“It’s not something you’re taught. It’s a sacred gift. For thousands of years it’s been handed down from father,” he smiled, “to son. And that is what you must now become.”

Merlin. A Dragonlord. At least that explained the dragon saving him from the serkets. And how the dragon, despite being alive, had suddenly stopped his attack on Camelot.

Everything shifted and he was shown more scenes. He wasn’t too surprised to find out the young peasant who came so close to winning the tournament was using magic. It helped clear some things up. He was surprised to learn that the boy, Gilli, was planning to kill Uther. Until Merlin intervened, of course.

“They’re showing me respect,” Gilli said, standing in front of Merlin in one of the inn’s rooms. “You don’t know what it’s like for me.”

“I do,” Merlin said softly.

“No,” Gilli urged. “No one does.”

Merlin hesitated for a moment before closing the door. Then, with a whispered spell he held out his hand to the boy, revealing a handful of flames flickering softly. Gilli’s eyes widened in shock and wonder as Merlin lowered his hand.

“It’s… lonely,” Merlin whispered, “to be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To be special and have to pretend you’re a fool.”

Arthur watched as Merlin’s eyes shined with unshed tears. Was this really the manservant he’d known for all these years? His own eyes were stinging in sympathy.

“I know how it feels,” the warlock said softly. “I understand.”

The vision blurred and then replayed the conversation Arthur had with Merlin after talking to the Disir, except that now Arthur knew that Merlin had magic.

He watched as Merlin tried to avoid the question, not wanting to give a biased answer. He watched the faint glimmer of hope in his eyes when Arthur questioned his father’s belief.

And then Merlin said “There can be no place for magic in Camelot” with tears in his eyes.

In the vision, Arthur had only nodded and accepted this. But the present Arthur felt his eyes sting. Merlin passed up on the chance to be free because Mordred was destined to kill the king.

He supposed he couldn’t exactly blame Merlin, considering what happened when he trusted Morgana. Then the dragon’s words rang in his ears.

_“_ _Your determination to see goodness in people will be your undoing.”_

Merlin had changed since then, felt betrayal. This time he put Camelot first. But then, Mordred had lived.

Then he remembered how the Disir had said that he had sealed his fate and his kingdom’s. By rejecting magic, he’d allowed Mordred to live. And to eventually kill him.

He suddenly felt cold. Mordred was such a good knight. What would make him turn against his king?

The scene changed again.

Merlin was hobbling towards a tree, clearly injured, and was being closely followed by a young boy. After looking closer, Arthur was startled to see it was the guy who had saved him from Sarrum’s assassin. At least, that’s what Merlin had told him.

“You have magic, Merlin.”

Arthur frowned. How was Merlin so terrible at keeping this secret and, yet, Arthur never had any idea?

Merlin leaned against a tree. “Yes.”

“And you live in Camelot? Does anyone know?”

“Only Gaius,” Merlin answered, lowering himself to the ground.

“Not Arthur?”

Said man quickly looked at his manservant, eager for his response.

“No,” he said sharply. “If he ever found out he’d probably hang me.”

Arthur frowned. Did Merlin really think that? Granted, his reaction wasn’t great, but he didn’t think he could ever have Merlin executed.

The boy looked shocked. “And you still help?”

“Have to, it’s my job.”

His job? It was Merlin’s job to run around nearly getting killed inn order protect Arthur? He definitely deserved a raise.

“But he would kill you,” the boy was still incredulous.

Merlin ruffled through his pack. “In his heart he is a good man and I know that one day he will bring about a world we will dream of.”

Arthur looked at the young warlock, such surety and determination in his eyes. Merlin had so much faith in him, and he’d always treated the servant as just that: a servant.

“That must be hard,” the boy responded.

Then more scenes flashed before him. He watched Merlin holding Will’s hand, watching his friend die.

“You’re a good man, Merlin. A great man,” Will choked out. “And one day you will be servant to a great king. Now you can still make that happen.”

Arthur watched, heart breaking, as Merlin held his friend. As Merlin started to cry as Will said “I’m scared” and then his friend’s name before he was gone.

Then Arthur was in the forest. The Druid girl was in Morgana’s stolen dress and Merlin carried her to a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains and flowers. Just like she had described.

“You remembered,” she smiled.

“Of course.”

“I’m so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you.” Merlin’s eyes were shining.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Merlin was crying. “There must be something I can do, some way to save you.”

“You already saved me,” the girl said. “You made me feel loved.”

“I don’t want you to go,” his voice broke.

“One day, Merlin, I will repay you. I promise.”

Arthur had to watch as Merlin wept over her lifeless body. He had to watch as he placed her in a small boat to send her out. He had to watch as Merlin lifted his hand and began a spell, but paused, looking out with a look of utter loss and despair before finally saying the spell to set the boat alight.

Arthur was in a different forest, watching as the Balinor moved instinctively to protect his son, the sword running through him. Merlin let out a scream and the soldier flew backwards. He lowered his father to the ground, holding his dying body.

“I see you have your father’s talent,” he laughed. “Merlin…”

“Please, no. Please,” Merlin urged, choking on the words. “I can save you.”

Balinor shook his head. “Listen to me. When you face the dragon, remember, be strong. A dragon’s heart is on its right side, not it’s left.”

“I can’t do it alone,” Merlin gasped.

“Listen to me. You are my son. I have seen enough in you to know that you will make me proud.”

Merlin began crying freely as his father took his last breath, but then Arthur had to watch himself appear. He watched with guilt as Merlin hastily wiped away his tears, trying to cover up the fact that the man he just watched die was his father. And Arthur had teased him about it later.

He remembered watching the Dragonlord die. He remembered how his only thought had been for Camelot’s safety, for losing their one chance to slay the beast. How could he have been so blind?

Then vision formed the torn Veil at the Isle of the Blessed. Gwaine was already knocked out, but Arthur was slowly approaching the guardian. Suddenly, Merlin’s eyes flashed and Arthur was out cold as well. That was one mystery solved, then.

Merlin carefully stepped forward and the old sorceress smiled gleefully. “So, Emrys.” That name again. “You chose to challenge me after all.”

The two circled each other, Merlin’s face one of steely resolve.

“You give yourself to the spirits to save your prince?”

Arthur frowned. Merlin was going to take his place?

“It is my destiny,” the young warlock stated.

“Perhaps,” said the witch. “But your time among men is not yet over, Emrys, even if you want it to be.”

The woman glanced to the side and Merlin turned, watching in horror as Lancelot entered the Veil, arms open to greet the other side.

That was not the last of Lancelot, though and Arthur watched as Merlin once more lay his friend to rest. He placed Lancelot into a boat and placed a hand across his brow, murmuring in that strange language.

Suddenly, Lancelot’s eyes opened and Arthur jumped in alarm.

“Merlin,” the knight whispered. “Thank you.”

Then he was gone and pushed out into the lake. Without even a spell, Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and the boat was set alight. The scene blurred, both from magic and the unshed tears in Arthur’s eyes.

He watched as both Merlin and the boy, Daegal, saved him from Sarrum’s assassin. Unfortunately, Daegal wasn’t going to make it. Merlin immediately raced over to kneel beside him.

“Did I save Arthur,” the boy asked weakly.

“Yes,” Merlin assured, fighting tears.

“Did I do something good?”

At Merlin’s nod he gave a small smile. “Finally, eh?”

“You did,” Merlin whispered. But Daegal was already gone.

Everything blurred one more time and then Arthur was back in the cave, tears falling freely down his face. Feeling slightly faint, he sat on a nearby ledge. His mother appeared again and sat next to him.

“Did that-” his voice cracked. “Did that all really happen?”

His mother nodded, raising a hand to stroke back Arthur’s hair.

“It did, my son. It did.”

He put his head on his mother’s shoulder, sobbing softly as he was embraced.

“Did you get your answer?”

Arthur nodded, unable to speak.

***

For the entire journey home, Arthur’s mind raced. Sure, there was always the chance that the entire cave was just a trick, but if it wasn’t…

How had Merlin gone through all of that without Arthur noticing? So many things made sense now. Random instances of luck, Merlin disappearing, his occasional words of wisdom, his spontaneous disappearances. It was all so he could protect Arthur. To help him become the king he was.

Arthur was still shaken by the amount of faith Merlin seemed to have in him. Throughout the visions, the one thing that seemed constant was that Merlin truly believed in Arthur and the peace he would bring. And he had sacrificed a lot in the name of that belief.

How many times had Merlin greeted Arthur, acting as if it was a normal day when in fact he had just been on the brink of death or had completed some complicated plan to protect the king? How many times did Arthur bully his servant, completely ignorant to all of the greatness he possessed? All of that power and kindness and loyalty. And Arthur had treated him like a fool.

He remembered what Merlin had told Gilli. How he lived like a shadow. It was the perfect description for him. How he worked silently, hidden from the rest of the world. How he went unnoticed by so many and still he saved their lives. He saved Arthur’s life.

When Arthur reached Camelot, he was filled with guilt and trepidation. He needed to see Merlin, to apologize and beg for forgiveness. To assure him that he wasn’t a monster, wasn’t evil. If anything, Arthur was the monster for how he treated him. But first he needed to be sure the visions were true.

He found the warlock in his room after being ushered in by a very smug Gaius. Merlin was sitting on his bed, face in his hands.

“Merlin.”

He looked up, eyes wide in terror. Arthur internally cringed, wondering if Merlin still thought that he would be executed for this. Surely he thought better of Arthur.

“S-sire.”

Arthur crossed his arms. “I just wanted to ask you how on earth I managed to kill that dragon when its heart was on its right side, not its left.”

Merlin frowned in confusion, probably thinking Arthur mad for asking this of all things, before looking down in resignation.

“In the interest of being honest, the dragon isn’t dead.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows, gesturing for him to continue.

“Well, Balinor was actually my father. When he died, it passed to me. You were knocked out by the dragon and I was going to kill him, but Kilgarrah’s the last of his kind. Er, he was before we found the dragon egg. Um, right that’s not destroyed, either. Um, anyway, I let Kilgarrah go, but he won’t harm Camelot anymore. He’s helped, actually. Given me lots of advice and stuff.”

Merlin was rambling. Arthur listened as Merlin told him what he already knew (except for the dragon egg, but he’d deal with that later) and walked forward, sitting next to the warlock.

“I’m so sorry, Merlin.”

The servant frowned. “What? Why are you sorry?”

Arthur felt tears spring to his eyes and furiously blinked them away.

“I know you’re not a monster. I know what you’ve done for me, what you’ve lost for me.” Will. Freya. Balinor. Lancelot. Deagal.

Merlin was still confused. “How…?”

Arthur finally let his tears fall and embraced the warlock. His warlock. His protector.

“I finally see you for who you really are.”


End file.
